We’ve updated our Terms of Use to reflect our new entity name and address. You can review the changes here.
We’ve updated our Terms of Use. You can review the changes here.

"where do i know you from​?​" (2015)

by freya crescent

/
  • Streaming + Download

    Includes high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more. Paying supporters also get unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app.
    Purchasable with gift card

      name your price

     

1.
ferris 01:57
went through the motions and left. closed my eyes and didn't talk. there's a snake in the grass. there's a look in my eye. does anything i do have an effect on anything else? i fell down the well. i hid in the car but we parked far away, and the dark of the wood closed around my throat. there's a snake in the grass. there's a doubt in my mind. i am a failure and i've failed tonight.
2.
i don't want to think about what your body goes through. but, oh, i do. i have no reason or right to be this broken up. but, oh, i am. can't say i'm surprised. can't say i'm confused. can't say you're at fault. can't say i've been used. i'm just a little bit selfish and mostly dramatic. thinking i just need to relax. thinking i might slip through the tracks. have a hot meal, sleep it off tonight, forget it by tomorrow, it's fine. goodbye.
3.
you've been talking my ear off. the hours seem like years. so i've picked out my best knife and severed the cord right here. i'm feeling crushed in a way that i don't care to admit. it's always fruitless. i've been cutting myself off. i've been phoning in my feelings. i've been bottling this up and pouring it off the railing. it's a part of myself that i bury for months, and let it thrive without knowing. it's a part of myself that i bury for months-- when it either dies out, or just starts growing.
4.
tadpole 02:22
pull on some socks and shoes. i still feel the sand between my toes. it never stops scraping. turn on tv for a couple of minutes, then turn it off. i never can concentrate on things. but oh, to be a thread passing through the eye of a new needle, passing through a cloth. and you can pass it across your cheeks to keep them dry. i would give anything to belong to something bigger. i'd give anything to belong. i fix myself a plate. it's simple but it tastes all right to me. and when i feel bad, i'll always have that memory.
5.
floor 1 02:31
this is the dirtiest floor i've ever slept on. i'm using my own coat as a pillow. every surface wears dust like fresh snow. i am utterly alone. i felt all right tonight. i felt alive tonight. but it's not tonight anymore. it's not that time anymore. i don't think of Jesus. i don't think of the moon. i don't think at all, just hum a useless tune. and down in the basement, they're drunk on the cold, but December's been harsher than June. i'll feel all right pretty soon. i'll feel alive pretty soon. but i feel like i've been waiting for "soon" to arrive for most of my life. you told me that i should give my headaching a rest, but tell that to my head. it won't listen to that. it does what it pleases and leaves me to suffer.
6.
floor 2 01:45
i remember what it felt like to come back home, but barely. lately i've just been coming back to nothing. i'm an old fish swimming in soda pop. it's a circumstance i'll survive for a while, but scarcely. fill my time with tarot cards and bluffing. i'm shifting violently from "go" to "stop." so sink, sink, my giant frame, into the carpet, dark green. i'll be part of this household. i'll be something you need. i think a giant flame could rise up any of these days. would i be something you'd try to save?
7.
keyhole 02:43
half hour, at most, until lights out. and i have the feeling that i could raise the dead if i really tried. i imagine us in a room together. just you and i, in a room alone. but in my body, there is not one decisive bone. so take me in your car. take me in your bed. if i really tried, i could raise the dead. it's hard to channel affections, no matter how hard i fall. it comes in waves, but at least it comes at all. and you heard me weeping in the stall. you pressed your ear against the wall.
8.
casino 02:27
shut my eyes 1300 miles from home. opened them again at 1388 and i saw the lights from the casino. i smelled the gas from the station. i'm not looking for trouble, but something troubles me about your state, and i cannot place it. sometimes we roll down the windows and yell at the top of our lungs. not even along with the music, just for fun. i need a resolution, but all i'm getting is a little escape. yeah, i need a permanent solution, but something keeps getting in my way.
9.
in the darkest part of the night, there was no color but the bright yellow of road lines. then the car switched on its lights. you were addicted to morphine, clinging to sanity, slamming your brakes, somersaulting through glass and fire. and summer has not been too kind to you. yeah, summer has not been too kind. western Pennsylvania, spirits are high. smoke and sparks sailing through sky. stars in your eyes and mouth filled with stripes.
10.
wave race 01:42
black as coal, the soles of my feet. dirt and grime coating me. in the hollow city streets, you are so mean. my hair smells like beer. i hope i'm being clear. i'm not wrong, i'm just not quite right. it's time for me to take a shower. it's time for me to grow up.
11.
appearances 02:03
kitchen table coffee, 11 in the morning, and it's fine. dirty stove top, boiling pot. don't bother. hold in the hunger til it actually hurts me. i am so dirty. punch myself in the gut and bite my lip. distract my mind, give the pain the slip. unreasonable standards disguised as a peer, cleaning out my cupboards, leaning to my ear, and saying "it is best to keep up appearances."
12.
you're sitting on the porch, reading the book you got. i wish you weren't looking for everything that i am not. you think i'm the drink that'll make you sick. maybe i'm the drink that'll make you sick, but i'm a good kid. i never sleep in. when you tied my hands above my head, you tied my heart strings in a knot. you said to me, "you're not alone in this." what a terrifying thought. and now you're giving me away in bits and pieces. you're giving me away. i'm feeling sick, sure. there's no big picture. it's not mixed signals. i'm just clueless. you're a human thundercloud and i can't do this. i'm feeling sick, sure, it's become a fixture. and i'm a good kid, but sometimes stupid. and i can't do it.
13.
i don't know if i care for you or if i'm scared of you, but in either case i won't leave your side. i can try not to be so fickle. i won't stare at my phone when you're around. what is it that you want? i'll abide. i don't like to wear my shoes in the house, but if you think they'd make my feet safer as i walk around, then i'll leave them on for now. curtain cluttered with blue flowers. stepping out of the shower, i noticed you were waiting for me. and oh, god, you're so sweet. and oh, god, you like me so much. and oh, i should just appreciate what's right here in front of me. but i don't like to wear my shoes in the house. you think they'd make my feet safer as i walk around. i'll leave them on for now. i'll dance with you. i don't want to, but i will. maybe it will force my brain to budge. maybe i can force my brain to budge.
14.
bodyhorror 01:33
you're supposed to smile when you see your friends. you're supposed to remember what they look like. i'm sorry i can't quite place your face. i'm sorry i can't conjure your name. i'm sorry my brain doesn't work the right way. where do i know you from? what am i supposed to say?

about

an album recorded in 2015 using a tape recorder and a phone and a computer. it was never released in any capacity, only sent around to a few friends, so now it's preserved here. this is a record about memory loss, body dysmorphia, struggling with an eating disorder, and living in a dissociated fog, trying to find some kind of light source. i am so thankful that things aren't this bad anymore. thank you.

credits

released July 4, 2019

license

tags

about

freya crescent Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania

no one's gonna drag you up to get into the light where you belong

contact / help

Contact freya crescent

Streaming and
Download help

Report this album or account

If you like freya crescent, you may also like: